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Chair made me do it claims defendant in court

Written by: Hungry Caterpillar Published on: 03 Mar 2000

A 28 year old man appearing in court today charged with arson sensationally claimed that his chair made him do it.

The man Thomas Maxwell is accused of burning down is place of work on the night of the 14th October 1999.

He claims that the chair described as “One of those cool swively ones”, which Maxwell used to sit on at work is alleged to have told Maxwell to burn the building down.

“It always used taunt me” Maxwell told the court. “It used to tell me I was useless, I think it was just trying to break down my will power so it could use me. The one day I was working later in the office. I had an important project to finish so I was the only person in and I was quite tired. It then told me to burn the building down. It said I could use the fire to cleanse and purify the building. I moved the chair outside, poured gasoline around the office and set fire to it.”

This isn’t the first incident of chairs forcing people to commit crimes, although it is by far the most serious. In 1997 a woman in Manchester stole a box of biros because her chair told her to and in 1995 a man hit someone on the back of the head with a rolled up newspaper whilst under instructions.

Government Minister Jack Straw spoke out on the issue. “The increase of chair related crime is a worrying trend. We urge people that they should report any chair that is abusing them no matter how small it may seem. This things can escalate quickly. Any chair reported will be given a session of counselling so that hopefully be reintegrated as a useful member of society.

The chair has been given a ten year sentence for enactment. Mr Maxwell has been committed as he’s clearly insane.

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