A mad old satirical news site from the dawn of the Internet archived for posterity

Drink from the
furry cup

All the news without the kumquats


  • ChilliBear
  • Hungry Caterpillar
  • Sean the Irish Bastard
  • Spunk-Monkey
  • Winnie the Poo
  • Hoffin' Bigman
  • Helter-Skelter
  • Niloc
  • Saunders
  • Dai Laffin
  • Digger

Quintessential Quote

He who laughs last is at 300 baud.

Pick of the Best

Past Poll

So who do you think won the war?

  • Bush
  • Saddam

Spring Clean

Written by: ChilliBear Published on: 31 Jul 2014

Time to dust off the HTML, smooth out the wrinkles in the CSS and scrub the bits and bytes you never see, all with a heavy nod to the past. Yes dear reader (as if we have readers!) the old site has been cleaned up for the generation that don’t remember what the world was like before the Internet crashed into their lives. The old days when people had proper nics or handles … ahem. Anyhow nothing new - some spelling mistakes corrected and the site generally cleaned up. Don’t expect miracles, it’s not likely anyone will write anything new, but we have even looted the way back machine for the bits we threw away!

You can always read about the site history if you’ve nothing better to do.

Monkey Found

Written by: ChilliBear Published on: 02 Aug 2011

We managed to find Spunk Monkey. The Americans had him locked up in a research lab near Washington, you don’t want to know what they did to him. Still that makes the vast majority of the old gang available for witty after dinner speeches and state openings, should you need such talents.

Not actually dead

Written by: ChilliBear Published on: 08 Jul 2009

For some crazy reason this morning I thought I might just put a post up on the old DFTFC site! Would you believe a couple of us have wondered about writing again - must be a mid life crisis thing or perhaps it all seems long enough ago it counts as nostalgia! So perhaps time to dust off the site, clean up the slightly wacky CSS code and look for new material. I expect that Hungry Caterpillar would be game for a bit more writing. Now if we could only track down Spunk Monkey - we sent him off to the States as a foreign correspondent a while back and he’s vanished!


Written by: ChilliBear Published on: 02 Jul 2004

We’re still alive. Although now scattered across the globe… How we long for the days of old when all we used to do was write satire.


Written by: ChilliBear Published on: 01 Aug 2003

Well what do we have here? For our loyal and presumably slightly insane regular visitors (all three of them) you’ll have noticed a change in design for the site, but alas this does not coincide with a return to regular updates. Everyone on the team is busy working in the real world - yes after about three years we all successfully found it, well expect for Spunk-Monkey, but he never did anything anyway.

For our new visitors, do not despair for you have stumbled (or been pushed) into a vast treasure trove of satire from some of the greatest writers ever to write for DFTFC! wow DFTFC has been publishing satire since early 2000 and whilst the frequency of our updates may have diminished over the years we still produced a lot of stuff, so have a trawl and see what amuses you…

So what if your favourite section hasn’t made it into this re-design? Well fear not for I shall be adding such classics as Ask Uncle Monkey, the infamous Poll and the Guestbook posts as static archives as time permits over the coming month or so.

The future of DFTFC, well I’ve done this spring clean because the site has moved servers, I’m still tidying up after the move, you might spot the odd broken image or bits that are out of alignment, I’ll fix them as I find them myself. However the future: my own energies are being directed into several other projects, when I’m not working. The situation is much the same for the other editors (except Spunk-Monkey, who is technically still at school…) If and when I finish my exciting new content production system I will implement it for DFTFC and who knows with the encouragement of a whizzy new management system and a few red hot pokers miracles might just happen. Until then expect periodic updates every now and then as one of us writes a new story. Stay tuned… it will be worth it ;)


Written by: Sean the Irish Bastard Published on: 14 Jan 2003

DFTFC is proud to announce the arrival of Sean the Irish Bastard’s baby daughter. Contrary to rumour around the labour ward, she does not (yet) exhibit horns and a tail.

The name has been chosen to be Zoe, partly because it is greek for ‘She who will inherit all the burning carcasses of the dead wilderbeest’, and partly because it scans well with ‘Irish Bastard’.

However, check out the new poll for where you can help shape her identity in some small way…

Suffer ye piteous fools! er, I mean… Cheers…

Yeah you guessed it the majority of this site is copyrighted to us, © 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003 all the way up to 2014 so please don't pinch it. Obviously this is all in good humour if you don't think so then you don't have "good humour". This is of course only a sarcastic sceptical FICTITIOUS (yes thats right it's not real! - It's actually made up! - Welcome to the world of satire), view on life the universe and everyone in the public light... hey it's all supposed to be good fun... honest :)