Christina Aguilera Revealed to be a Genie from a Bottle
It was exclusively revealed to DFTFC today that teen popster Christina Aguilera, 18 is in fact a genie from a bottle.
Christina whose real name is just Aguilera the Impure, in the past looked slightly less attractive than her current form.
Aguilera the Impure was first summoned to this world in approximately the 3rd Century. An evil sorcerer, of which little is known, summoned the demon Aguilera the Impure from hell to help crush his enemies. The sort of stuff that evil sorcerers always used to do.
Unfortunately the sorcerer and Aguilera the Inpure had a slight disagreement which led to several thousand deaths, large areas of land being destroyed and the demon being sealed in a bottle for all time. The only way that Aguilera the Impure could be released was by the granting of three wishes to who ever rubbed the lamp.
The bottle remained undiscovered for seventeen hundred years until it was found washed up on Brighton beach by a girl called Christina Smith, 17 from Wexford, PA.
Unfortunately for Miss Smith she had not watched enough daft horror films and so that she did not know that all genies will try to screw over the wisher unless they are exceptionally specific.
The genie granted Miss Smiths three wishes. The first was that her cat, Pokey would get better (He had a broken leg). The second was that her ex-boyfriend would go to hell. And thirdly that she would have a brief pop career consisting a couple of successful singles, a marginally successful album, a series of arguments with another teen popster and then a rapid descent into obscurity.
Aguilera the Impure healed Pokey and sent the boyfriend, whose name was Robert Polsen, to one of the lower realms of the Neverworld. But whilst granting Smiths last wish the genie took possession of the girl’s body.
The body of Christina Smith possessed by the demon Aguilera the Inpure is now the singer known as Christina Aguilera. She is currently enjoying the successful part of her career and we at DFTFC are eagerly awaiting her desent into obscurity.
We tried to contact “Aguilera”s agents for comment but strangely they ignored us. At DFTFC we see this refusal to reply as an admission of guilt.
If you want to email Christian Aguilera then you can write to firstname.lastname@example.org.