A mad old satirical news site from the dawn of the Internet archived for posterity

Drink from the
furry cup

All the news without the kumquats


  • ChilliBear
  • Hungry Caterpillar
  • Sean the Irish Bastard
  • Spunk-Monkey
  • Winnie the Poo
  • Hoffin' Bigman
  • Helter-Skelter
  • Niloc
  • Saunders
  • Dai Laffin
  • Digger

Quintessential Quote

A man may die, nations may rise and fall, but an idea lives on.

Pick of the Best

Past Poll

Are you ignorant or apathetic?

  • I don't know
  • I don't care

Earth Consumed by Fire! NEWS: Whoops!

Written by: ChilliBear Published on: 18 Oct 2000

DFTFC were startled to learn this morning that the earth had been consumed by fire. We were tipped off to this story by a reliable source we found sleeping in the gutter outside our office doorway.

during the disaster
Artists impression of the Earth

It was at approximately 4 o’clock this morning that the Earth, our home for so many years was destroyed by a disaster of apocalyptic dimensions. An asteroid approximately 3 miles in diameter plunged into the Southern Hemisphere of the Earth sending giant shockwaves around the globe, these ignited fires throughout the world and within 10 hours the Earth was left a burnt and tattered wreck, devoid of all life.

We interviewed a few people to try to get an idea of how this disaster will be impacting on our everyday lives.

“Well I don’t see it having too greater impact on my lifestyle, I mean providing that the resulting panic doesn’t clog up the streets and roads I think my life should be pretty much as normal.”

“I think that the destruction of the Earth, err - which you say happened this morning - would really screw up my day, in fact I don’t think I’d be able to live my life normally after I was consumed in flames.”

Well what will become of us is the question on everybody’s lips. How will we survive the destruction of our beloved planet, but do not fear for DFTFC will continue to report on the issues as they surface, and we vow not to let anything stand in the way of the truth.

This news post later followed this story…

Okay we can admit a mistake a much as the next man, and as some of you may have begun to notice by now the Earth has not in fact been consumed by fire as was reported ChilliBear last Sunday. It was a honest mistake, and we didn’t mean to cause the mass panic and destruction of twenty three minor countries that occurred around the world.


Well on with brighter things… at last we have a new Eye Candy review up. This also seems like a good time to remind people who haven’t visited our vast archive of old stories to go and do so, after all we have over 70 stories in there.

Yeah you guessed it the majority of this site is copyrighted to us, © 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003 all the way up to 2014 so please don't pinch it. Obviously this is all in good humour if you don't think so then you don't have "good humour". This is of course only a sarcastic sceptical FICTITIOUS (yes thats right it's not real! - It's actually made up! - Welcome to the world of satire), view on life the universe and everyone in the public light... hey it's all supposed to be good fun... honest :)