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Millions, but at what price?

Written by: Helter-Skelter Published on: 14 Aug 2000

Several recent investigations into the popular UK TV show “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?” have tried to answer the question “does anyone actually win?”. However no one has looked at the

true cost of winning 1,000,000. DFTFC now poses this question, what’s the catch?

We went to find out.

In order to enter ‘Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?’ you must first ring a premium rate telephone number where simple details are taken and you are asked a general knowledge question (it only took us three attempts!). The few that pass this complicated test are put into a draw, the lucky ones are then selected to appear on the show.

If a member of the public is selected for the show they are given a short questionnaire asking insurance details, blood type, sexual history, etc. the usual sort of thing for a TV game show. However this is where DFTFC found the involvement of an outside organisation. In the questionnaire on the final line which reads “I hereby declare all the above statements to be true” instead of a full stop there is an additional very small text reading;

”…and upon receiving any money form ‘Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?’ I leave my living body to the medical science of Monsanto.”

under which the contestant signs.

the dot itself
The evidence

Monsanto has always sought to advance the human race through such excellent modern wonders as DDT, Agent Orange, and genetically modified crops. They have succeeded in all but one area… the difficult task of winning “Quiz Shows”.

It is our belief that Monsanto may be using these people in its new “Ultimate Quiz Show Man” gene splicing program. By using the quiz show to select only the “best of the best” Monsanto can ensure that they receive only the top gene stock. The ultimate aim of this is to create a human being that will be the ultimate quiz show contestant, Monsanto can then use this person to bring in vast quantities of money from quiz shows across the globe!

DFTFC shocked by this cunning plan (and a bit pissed we didn’t think of it) interviewed Chris Tarrent, Who Wants To Be A Millionaire’s host.

Chris Tarrent - Genetically Modified?
Chris Tarrent - Genetically Modified?

DFTFC: Do you realise that you are endorsing a program that takes innocent members of the public and conducts dubious genetic experiments on them due to small print?

CT: Take your time?

DFTFC: What?

CT: It’s a lot of money your playing for here… well your wife Sarah looks nervous?

DFTFC: My wife - who, hey look I asked you a question!

CT: Is that your final answer? Not B? Not C? Not D? You’re going for A?

DFTFC believe that Monsanto have already got to Chris. It is now up to the public to be aware of what hidden dangers can lie within TV quiz shows such as ‘Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?’.

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