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Bridge to be built across River Styx

Written by: ChilliBear Published on: 16 May 2000

It was leaked to DFTFC last night that several international companies are bidding to win an exclusive contract to build a new bridge over the famous River Styx. The River Styx is probably best know for the key role it provides in accessing the underworld, although recently several travel agents have started offering package holidays there.

Artists impression of the new bridge
Artists impression of the new bridge

Presently those souls wishing to cross over into the underworld pay the ferryman Charon, who has been doing sterling service since the dawn of time taking souls across the river to the gates of Hades. However all this seems to be about to change with the introduction of this new bridge and the start of an automated toll system. We approached Death about this new approach to ‘passage into the underworld’ and his customer relations office gave us this statement:

“It is this office’s belief that the present system of a single ferryman across the River Styx is outdated in this new millennium. In order to modernise and provide a more relaxing trip to the underworld for all our customers we will be placing out a contract to construct a bridge across the River Styx”

Determined to get a better understanding of all this; we went on a day trip to Hades and spoke with some of the souls and to Charon the ferryman himself.

DFTFC: Hi, could you tell us how you think the impact of a bridge across the River Styx would impact on your journey to the underworld.

Dead Bloke: Actually I think it would be a great benefit, you see I’ve been waiting here for four hours in the rain waiting for Charon to ferry me across this silly river, but you see there is quite a backlog of people and only one ferryman. So a bridge would be a great benefit, much easier and less stressful.

DFTFC: Thanks, and what about you madam, do you think it’s a good idea?

Dead Woman: No I don’t. I am a firm believer in tradition and I think an ugly new bridge in this the upper levels of the underworld would just ruin the ambience of the setting.

DFTFC: What even if it had like skulls and stuff on it.

Dead Woman: Absolutely, I wont stand for it and fancy little touches like decaying corpses won’t make me change my mind.

DFTFC: Errr, okay, moving on we have managed to arrange a quick word with the man of the moment Charon himself. Charon, don’t you feel that after all this time that Death should have more faith in you and that this contract to build a bridge is almost like being ‘stabbed in the back’.

Charon: I couldn’t agree more, I’ve done this job since the beginning of time, and it clearly states in my contract that I have been hired for all eternity. Its a clear breach of contract and I’m going to sue the bastards.

DFTFC: Don’t you think that with Death being almost omnipotent that suing him isn’t going to do much.

Charon: Well I have the full backing of the Lower Abyss Trade Unions and a good lawyer, so I think I have a good chance. If the worse does come to it though I’m sure there are plenty of jobs for ferryman within the whole ‘afterlife’ system, I’m confident my skills are transferable to other rolls.

DFTFC: Thanks for sparing us the time, err, I hope I wont be seeing you soon then.

So there we have it the report straight from the corpse’s mouth. What the future holds for the dead here in Hades remains to be seen, and public opinion seems divided on the matter. As ever DFTFC will endeavour to keep you updated on developments.

Yeah you guessed it the majority of this site is copyrighted to us, © 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003 all the way up to 2014 so please don't pinch it. Obviously this is all in good humour if you don't think so then you don't have "good humour". This is of course only a sarcastic sceptical FICTITIOUS (yes thats right it's not real! - It's actually made up! - Welcome to the world of satire), view on life the universe and everyone in the public light... hey it's all supposed to be good fun... honest :)