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Euan Blair Made Me Pregnant !

Written by: Sean the Irish Bastard Published on: 14 Dec 2000

At a time when Tony Blair’s popularity in the UK is at its lowest ebb comes a fresh blow which dates back to the night a few months ago when son Euan celebrated the end of his GCSEs by becoming paralytically drunk in Leicester Square.

While a nice place to be drunk (as most of the DFTFC team will testify), it wasn’t too prudent to be in the aforementioned state whilst being the underage son of the current prime minister. However, today’s revelations make the inebriated state of young Euan pale into insignificance.

Whitney Spheres, 19, of Kentwood, London was out clubbing with some of her friends that same night in early July. She picks up the story for us:

“Well you see, we went to this club near Piccadilly at about 10 o’clock, but it turned out to be a bit shit, so we left and went off towards Leicester square. Our group got chatting to a small group of young lads there, and after a while, one of them started coming on to me, said I looked rather famous or something and was trying to persuade me to “get off with him”. I didn’t want to encourage him, but he persisted and I began to think he was quite cute and I was feeling frisky, I mean at the end of the day it’s a laugh isn’t it. So I let him drag me into some bushes. I’d had a few by then (drinks not men) and one thing must have led to another - right in the middle of Leicester square for God’s sake! Talk about “hit me baby one more time”!

Perhaps something I did encouraged him...?
Perhaps something I did encouraged him...?

I left him there in a hurry and got back to my friends and quickly I moved us on. I guess the boy’s mates had just gone off someplace, so I left him there lying on the pavement - typical bloody man, falls asleep straight after we finish, no cuddle - or anything! It was only the next day, when it made the news that I realised that the lad was Tony Blair’s son. I didn’t know whether or not to tell anyone. I went to see my Doctor and it turned out I was nine weeks gone, thats put an end to my singing career I must say. I think there can be no doubt that the baby is Euan’s as I haven’t been with anyone else since last Christmas after a slightly embarrassing incident at the office party. I mean he not a bad catch assuming he actually remembers me, I mean he is not like that William chap I was seeing.”

This news comes at a time when Tony Blair is trying to rally support following a disappointing stance on the recent UK fuel crisis/rail Crisis/Flood Crisis and war with France. How the revelations affect Mr Blair’s results in polls remains to be seen. However, it is likely that Euan’s status amongst his peers at Sixth Form College is on the up. A prefect is known to have commented “Wahey!”

Both Euan and Tony Blair were unavailable for comment on the issue. Cherie Blair is reckoned to have said “the little git, he won’t know what’s hit him” and Tony Booth, Euan’s grandfather has been quoted as saying “that’s my boy!”.

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