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Government reviles new plans for Millennium Dome

Written by: Hungry Caterpillar Published on: 12 Aug 2000

DFTFC gained yet another exclusive this morning when we received a document relating to the future of the millennium dome. The document sets out what the government plans to do with the dome as of the end of this year when the current exhibition closes.

Unfortunately we all here at DFTFC are so sick of the stupid Millennium Dome that none of us could even be bothered to read the document. Despite the fact none of us have been there or even have a vague idea of whats in it, were all convinced that its rubbish. Everyone here is so sick about hearing people bitching about it that if it just disappeared tomorrow we really couldn’t care less. We performed a quick survey in the streets of London to see what the general public thought of the dome. These are the results we found:

53%: Told us to go away using various expletives.

22%: Didn’t speak English.

10%: Were in a rush and couldn’t stop.

8%: Asked if we could spare any change.

4%: Thought the Millennium Dome was some sort of hair loss product.

2%: Tried to mug us.

1%: Asked why Chillibear hadn’t rung her in so long, especially as the twins were teething.

A pretty conclusive survey I think you’ll agree! Another fact that has surprised many of people about the Dome is the lack of terrorist groups that have tried to bomb it to make some sort of political statement. We talked to a friend of ours called Jack the Sadistic Vicious Bastard leader of a terrorist group that we cannot name for legal reasons. Jack told us that his group had sent in a suicide bomber into the Dome to blow it up. Unfortunately the bomber had got so depressed by the contents of the Dome that he went to the bathroom and slit his wrists. Just in case the Governments proposals are as rubbish as we suspect that they will be. DFTFC have come up a few suggestions of our own for what should be inside the dome.

  • Change the Dome into a large Coliseum inside which Gladiators will fight to the death.
  • Seal the entire dome up and store it as a time capsule to be opened just before the year 3000. This will mean the people of the year 3000 will not have to build another one.
  • Denise Richards.
  • Life size model X-Wings that can be flown around by guests.
  • A museum commemorating the life of Keith Chegwin.
  • A large apology from all the people involved in making the Dome in the first place.
  • Sarah Michelle Gellar.
  • Another Dome. And then inside that another slightly smaller Dome. And inside that yet another even smaller Dome. And so on.
  • Luxembourg (It would fit).
  • Every piece of crap associated with Pokemon before the whole thing is sealed in concrete and dumped in the middle of the Atlantic.
  • Rachel from S Club 7.
  • Ten people and a load of hidden cameras.

So what is the future for the Dome then, who knows maybe we will end up selling it to Japan or something equally stupid!

Yeah you guessed it the majority of this site is copyrighted to us, © 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003 all the way up to 2014 so please don't pinch it. Obviously this is all in good humour if you don't think so then you don't have "good humour". This is of course only a sarcastic sceptical FICTITIOUS (yes thats right it's not real! - It's actually made up! - Welcome to the world of satire), view on life the universe and everyone in the public light... hey it's all supposed to be good fun... honest :)