A mad old satirical news site from the dawn of the Internet archived for posterity

Drink from the
furry cup

All the news without the kumquats

Editors

  • ChilliBear
  • Hungry Caterpillar
  • Sean the Irish Bastard
  • Spunk-Monkey
  • Winnie the Poo
  • Hoffin' Bigman
  • Helter-Skelter
  • Niloc
  • Saunders
  • Dai Laffin
  • Digger

Quintessential Quote

All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.

Pick of the Best

Past Poll

How did you find out about DFTFC?

  • I'm an editor
  • I'm a friend of an editor
  • I'm a friend of a friend of an editor
  • Posting on a newsgroup
  • Website link
  • Surfing for porn
  • Found the URL on a pipe inside a dam

Prince Naseem Hamed Beaten!

Written by: ChilliBear Published on: 19 Mar 2000

It was only last week that Prince Naseem Hamed was challenged for his WBO World Featherweight Title by Vujani ‘The Beast’ Bungu. The Beast beaten, his title secure, the Prince thought he could take a few weeks rest without interruptions. Alas, he was mistaken. As soon as ‘The Beast’ hit the canvas, a new challenger emerged to take his place. The new challenger made his claim on the WBO World Featherweight Title title last night, and was clearly unfazed by Naseem’s hard-man stance.

Prince Naseem faces off his opponent
Prince Naseem faces off his opponent

DFTFC sent ChilliBear and the Spunk-Monkey to report on what looked like being the greatest fight of the year.

ChilliBear: Well everyone, here we are at the Arena. The atmosphere is electric in anticipation of the fighter’s imminent entrance. That said, I think I hear them coming…..

Spunk-Monkey: Yep, here they come. Prince Naseem has entered on his now famous “Flying Carpet”. His opponent has an equally unique mode of entry….he’s bouncing. What what can you expect from a giant kangaroo?

CB: My word that’s the biggest mouse I’ve ever seen.

SM: It’s a kangaroo, not a mouse.

CB: Look, I think I know what a giant mouse looks like thank you, and that IS a giant mouse if ever I saw one.

SM: Its a f☣☣king kangaroo. I’m not arguing about this here ChilliBear, quit your bitching and get on with commentating the fight.

CB: Okay. We’ve missed the first two rounds…err…due to our little misunderstanding, but here is the glorious report for the third and final round.

Prince Naseem failing to hit his opponent
Prince Naseem failing to hit his opponent

CB: Hey Spunky that giant mouse is bouncing everywhere, the Prince just doesn’t seem to be able to land a punch on him.

SM: It’s a F☣☣KING kangaroo.

CB: Sorry. Did you see how the ‘kangaroo’ just kicked the Prince square across the ring, thats gonna hurt.

SM: Well sports fans, the Prince really seems to be having a hard time of it. Every time he goes for an attack, the kangaroo just bounces away. It’s almost as if he is shadow boxing. Ouch, the kangaroo seems to be bear hugging the Prince now, the referee is going to have to break this one up, or join in

CB: Yeah look the ‘kangaroo’ is getting a warning from the referee, probably telling him this isn’t some silly cartoon.

SM: At this rate the Prince will be loosing on points, and look we only have another thirty seconds of this fight left, can the Prince pull back into the lead, what do you think ChilliBear.

CB: Well judging from the way the ‘ kangaroo’ is bouncing up and down on his head like that I think the Prince might have almost given up the fight and…there we have it the final bell.

SM: This looks really bad the Prince is down on the canvas and isn’t moving…wait no he is getting up and…

Prince Naseem - beaten
Prince Naseem - beaten

CB: Look the Prince is now throwing his hands in the air and is shouting, “A frigging giant mouse, beaten by a frigging mouse, I don’t believe it”. See I told you it was a giant mouse.

SM: It’s a…arrr…forget it.

After the shocking conclusion to this clash of titans the question on everyones lips must be; “does the giant mouse have any weaknesses and will he storm to the top?” With a rumoured fight between the Mouse and Tyson on the cards we feel that perhaps the giant mouse may have finally met his match, due to the sizeof his ears. As ever DFTFC will be there to bring you the true story as it happens.

Yeah you guessed it the majority of this site is copyrighted to us, © 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003 all the way up to 2014 so please don't pinch it. Obviously this is all in good humour if you don't think so then you don't have "good humour". This is of course only a sarcastic sceptical FICTITIOUS (yes thats right it's not real! - It's actually made up! - Welcome to the world of satire), view on life the universe and everyone in the public light... hey it's all supposed to be good fun... honest :)