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Leo Blair: an investigation

Written by: Helter-Skelter Published on: 25 May 2000

The Blair’s millennial baby Leo Blair, born on the 22nd May has always been believed to be a publicity stunt. There have been rumours for some time that Tony knocked up his misses in order to get an extra boost in the opinion polls of for the next general election. Using what the commentators call the “ah!” value of carrying around a baby.

However DFTFC researchers spoke to a friend of a friend of a mate of the Blair’s ‘genuine’ family doctor and he told us that the PM’s wife, Cherie, could no longer conceive after having last child Lionel. This leaves DFTFC to come to several conclusions about the so-called Leo Blair. Either he is a genetically modified baby grown in a synthetic womb or it is some sort of robot or alien baby that the Blair’s bought for effect.

DFTFC liked these conclusions so set out to find evidence. The first signs of this could be the way that the Blair’s are keeping the baby hidden away. We all know that bringing up babies is a piece of piss and they basically maintain themselves, unless you have to feed them 36 times a day on raw flesh and cranberry juice.

DFTFC decided to come up with a quality theory. After several nights of plotting, discussing and theorising we came up with this little gem.

Tony Blair has decided that if he is to stay in power indefinitely then he may need to be in two places at once; say meeting public and stopping people from blowing us up. If this was to happen then he would win admiration of the public by running the country and entertaining the people. For this very reason we believe he is growing himself a ‘doppelganger’. Leo is in fact not a baby but a genetic experiment to produce Tony Mk. II.

The baby Leo will grow at 50 times the normal rate of human growth, meaning in 8 months time he will look, sound and act like Tony Mk. I. At this point his growth will stabilise in time for the next general election. In the meantime Cherie can have any baby she likes and call it their son. The reason for the extensive cover up is because the clone needs to be around Tony Mk. I a lot to adopt his characteristics. If this theory is correct then we should expect to see TonyBlair around a lot more in public and otherwise, unfortunately.

As we were unable to get a picture of the little Blair without having to fork out a load of money, here is an artists impression of what young Leo might look like.

Except he possibly has a few more legs…

DFTFC would like to congratulate Tony and Cherie on their little genetic achievement.

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