Last night on popular BBC talk show ‘Parkinson’, hosted by Michael Parkinson, the nation looked on in horror as Mr. Parkinson brutally assaulted loveable, nappy wearing bird, Orville. Performers and songwriters Keith Harris and Orville appeared on the ‘Parkinson’ show to promote their new album of re-mixed hits Keith Harris and Orville: Re-Feathered’.

Parky: mauler of birds

The incident happened just moments after Keith Harris and Orville were introduced on to the program. After Parkinson sat down having welcomed the double act he proceeded to stare directly at Orville and then for no apparent reason launched himself at the green bird. While Michael Parkinson attacked Orville he repeatedly creamed: “Not another puppet, not another fucking bird, you won’t get me this time.” The producers and BBC security eventually pulled Mr. Parkinson away from Orville.

A spokesperson for the ‘Parkinson’ show gave DFTFC this statement: “Mr. Parkinson deeply regrets any harm he may have caused to Mr. Harris or his puppet. Mr. Parkinson suffered a very traumatic experience at the hands of the late Rod Hull and his puppet Emu. The BBC thought it was safe to allow Mr. Parkinson to come in contact with other ‘bird puppets’ again considering the time but regrettably we were wrong.” Orville suffered major damage and quite severe plucking from the attack and Keith Harris suffered from a fractured right hand.

DFTFC managed to obtain an exclusive interview with Keith Harris:

Keith Harris: I was very pleased to be invited on the ‘Parkinson’ show. Orville and I were there to plug our new album of re-mixes of our old hits. It wad a very exciting project working with the likes of Norman Cook, the Prodigy, Tall Paul and the Chemical Brothers to produce an album of our former hits in a modern style. I had quite an intensive schedule of promotion to do with Orville but I guess that will have to be postponed to a latter time.

DFTFC: This is rather good publicity though.

KH: Yes, but this was a very harrowing experience.

DFTFC: Good, tell us about it.

KH: Well, I went on the set, sat down with Orville and Michael just look as though something had snapped, then he started battering us, well, Orville.

This is not the first incident to involve the ‘Parkinson’ show in recent times. There was the spitting fiasco with Dame Thora Hird, the BeeGee’s stormed off his show just like they did on Clive Anderson’s show a year ago saying: “At least that bald twat could keep us occupied for more than five minutes.” and on his previous show Michael Parkinson completely failed to tell David Beckham what a stuck up cunt he is. All that adds up to serious questions being asked over whether bringing back the ‘Parkinson’ show purely because everyone remembers the Emu thing was a good move by the BBC. It is quite evident that Michael Parkinson’s mental state is also under investigation.

‘I Wish I Could Fly (Goldie re-mix) and ‘Keith Harris and Orville: Re-Feathered’ will be in the shops in the New Year.