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Rock 'n' Roll's Darkest Hour

Written by: ChilliBear Published on: 06 Mar 2000

The Brit Awards in London last Friday night were marred by the in fighting between the various stars present. In particular the rivalry between Robbie Williams and Oasis brother Liam Gallagher.

Robbie was quoted as saying “ You wanker I’d win a fight hands down, anybody like to see me fight Liam? Would you pay to come and see it? Liam, a hundred grand of your money and a hundred grand of my money.

We’ll get in a ring and we’ll have a fight and you can all watch it on TV.” Liam sent his reply by video link later in the evening, saying “_come on if you think your are hard enough” in his strange Northern accent. At this announcement Robbie went mad, drew a Samurai sword and shouted “There can be only one - rockstar”, Robbie then declared war on the Gallagher brothers.

The war between the two stars (three if you count Noel Gallagher, but who does) has escalated at an unprecedented rate over the last few days. The country has viciously split along a North-South divide, with armies of civilians and military men forming up behind each star.

Liam at a recent propaganda broadcast from his house, was quoted as saying “Robbie you are all up in the sky, you just don’t have the guts to bring it on down”, the broadcast then erupted in flames as the Gallagher house was hit by an air-raid.

This air-raid incensed Liam into deploying his army further south. DFTFC caught these exclusive photos of the army on the march towards South England.

When asked how he was financing and feeding his growing army, Liam told us that he had only just fed them digsy’s dinner, and was using cigarettes and alcohol to pay them. We then told Liam about the recent reports on CNN of Robbie’s armoured 3rd division moving North; apparently to intercept Liam’s army at Milton Keynes. His response was both quizzical and whimsical “we will win - definitely maybe”.

The outcome of this battle of the bands is yet to be decided, and at DFTFC we believe that it will all come down to the final apocalyptic battle at Milton Keynes. We would like to reinforce the advice the British Government is giving to the local populous; “to get the f☣☣k out of there”. The advice for foreign visitors is; “England is not caught in the midst of a civil war, and Milton Keynes is a very nice place to visit”.

The real question has to be whether Liam’s army will just slide away, or whether Robbie will really entertain us with a decent battle. DFTFC intends to be the first news source to report the outcome of this, Rock ‘n’ Roll’s darkest hour.

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