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Was there life on Mars?

Written by: ChilliBear Published on: 15 Apr 2002

DFTFC have for many years been proud to bring to you the latest and greatest news from all around the world, but even with our world renowned modesty we must admit that had perhaps the potential to be the single most amazing thing which could have happened to the Human race this week. Yes reader more important than the declaration of war by Luxembourg, or the destruction of the moon, and definitely more important than the invention of self buttering bread. However all was not to be, read on for what can only be described as a terrible tragedy.

Life on Mars… When we heard the news even I doubted it, I had had my hopes dashed so many times. As a child I remember reading of Dan Dare’s adventures on Venus and we were promised Treens, big mean nasty green Treens lead by the Mekon, yet when we actually have a proper look at the planet - nothing! …

for me - despair… but I digress.

Yesterday evening members of the DFTFC editorial team packed into the crowded Mars Orbital Ordinance (or MOO for short) control room at the JPL, waiting with anticipation for the confirmation of life. On the monitor screens we saw events unfolding… the MOO robot probe slowly, gently dipped its extended appendage into the soft yielding Martian… ground and scooped up a sample, the robot arm gently, smoothly, sensuously taking the alien soil from its resting place in the errr soil and took it deep within it’s shining, glistening, humming metallic body… [EDITOR] hmmm CB this is starting to sound like a cheesy soft-core porn movie - you really must stop chatting to Spunk-Monkey. Anyhow back to the filth… Hungry Caterpillar. Well no sooner than the analysis started to come through on our monitor screens we see a bloody great big foot descending on the camera, pah I say, some stupid alien went and trod on the bleedin’ robot probe. Bloody typical is what I thought we wait years in suspense wondering if there is actually any life on Mars and just as we are about to find out some clumsy Martian goes and ruins our last best hope!

So alas readers once more humanity sits on planet Earth, wondering, are we alone in this great big Universe, or maybe just maybe somewhere out there… somewhere beyond the English Channel there might be intelligent lifeforms - god knows we’re short of them down here…

Yeah you guessed it the majority of this site is copyrighted to us, © 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003 all the way up to 2014 so please don't pinch it. Obviously this is all in good humour if you don't think so then you don't have "good humour". This is of course only a sarcastic sceptical FICTITIOUS (yes thats right it's not real! - It's actually made up! - Welcome to the world of satire), view on life the universe and everyone in the public light... hey it's all supposed to be good fun... honest :)